I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
