I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
