In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
