Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize