i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
