i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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