Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
