My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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