We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
