I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
