Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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