Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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