sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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