end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
