i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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