im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
