At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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