Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Randomize
