I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
