So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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