dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
