That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
