Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
