I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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