I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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