Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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