The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I forget how to act sober
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
