Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
