I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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