She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
