i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You made out with two different species that night
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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