Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
