I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
