She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
His nipple licking is glorious
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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