proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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