Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
