i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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