I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
