Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
