I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
