no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
