No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
