At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
pop tarts are not kleenex
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
