I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
