I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
