Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
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