Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
