now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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