you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
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