Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(434): View more from Virginia

Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.

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(949): View more from California

you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."

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(618): View more from Illinois

Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all

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(303): View more from Colorado

Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.

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(661): View more from California

I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.

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(218): View more from Minnesota

I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul

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(802): View more from Vermont

BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.

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