I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize