There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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