I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i will never coherently bang her
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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