I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
