can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize