shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
