2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
