physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
