so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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