Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
