Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Couch. On fire.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
