Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize