I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize