Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
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