i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
