I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
