12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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