Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I think I sprained my soul last night
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
