That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
