dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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