Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
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