he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
