There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
