I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
