WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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