I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
