i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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