I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
