Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
