i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
