I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
