sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
