Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
