Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
