even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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