why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Randomize
