During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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