your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
