where does the pee come out of this thing
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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