He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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