It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
