were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
