i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
