Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
