Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
