My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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