Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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