sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
