this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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