man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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