And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
