Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize