you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
