I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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