3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
