i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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