I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
