guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You were trust falling into bushes
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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