so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize