We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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