Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
