so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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