No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
