One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
